plain

I think I made my peace with my plain demeanor. I think I have acknowledged the fact that I am not pretty. I dont have a beauty that stands out in a crowd, the classic beauty of a kind person that stands alone, nor the beauty that makes one stand still in awe. I think I made my peace with this fact of life even though I feel saddened by this acceptance.

My eyes well up with tears at the dismal reality of my "peace" with plainness. I wish I could stand alone in beauty, in words, in presence. I know I stand out to my Maker, who knows my inner beauty that no one is patient to notice; I shouldnt place time in vanity. Somehow I wish that human validation can matter. All I need I have but even though it is foolish it isnt enough.

Its hard to be second place in humans eyes, no matter what it seems that number 2 is my destiny, my lot, my fate, my life. I crave to be seen as beautiful in human eyes; even though it shouldnt matter but its my matter. It is my insecurity, my vanity, my foolishness. There are times I trick myself into believing I have some facet of beauty, but it is only vanity that is the trickery, only foolishness that is my reality; a reality in human eyes wont ever see.