shadows

i am surrounded by overshadowing beings, those that i love and adore. i dont know how to emerge from the darkness to the light, not sure of how i would react to such brightness. my world has always been grey, never sure to be self-assured and never known to be my own. there was always a ying to my yang, my partner in crime, my bosom friend. there has always been a lover, a loner, a rebel in my hearts desire. i dont know how to step into the light and embrace the warmth when all i have ever known and loved was the chill and the cold.

my towering loves are more unreachable than ever before; i am a stranger to those that i cherish with the stone that is my heart. i am a stranger to myself; i dont know who is me. im torn between two girls in one body, both desperate to be loved, to be wanted, to be known as her own. but i dont know how to be one person. i dont know how to be me. i dont know if i can be an amazing person some claim i am. there are claims i am loyal and loving. but i love the wrong ones and im loyal to lost causes it seems. i dont know how to reach out to those that i love anymore; they are unreachable and always far away. my grey world is of my own doing, of my own choice, of my own hearts desire. i havent known true warmth in so long i wouldnt know where to go, who to trust, how to start living in the light, away from my own shadows.

i am the shadow to those that i love and adore; thats my place in this world. because i choose this, i know this, i reluctantly accept this. this is the world of the shadows, the cowardice of blind faith, the unwillingness to step away from the dark, the way of the grey. this is who i am; i dont even know who i am alone. i am a stranger; i am my own shadow. i am grey, i am alone; who am i?